


I Need You to Breathe

by Arrveolantrath



Series: KNK Summer 2020 [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Tragedy, Drama, Everyone Needs A Hug, Hanahaki Disease, Hatake Kakashi Needs a Hug, Hatake Kakashi is Bad at Feelings, Idiots in Love, Inheritors of the Will of Fire: Naruto the Movie, M/M, Possible Character Death, Seriously I have no clue how it got this dramatic, Uzumaki Naruto Needs a Hug, Very Likely Character Death, You Have Been Warned, knksummer, knksummer2020, knksummerfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26209285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arrveolantrath/pseuds/Arrveolantrath
Summary: “Forget that you ever could have thought of me as a lover rather than a mentor or a friend.”It is best you don’t feel this love at all.If only it was that easy.Right before Kakashi leaves on a suicide mission to end Hiruko, the criminal threatening to conquer the world, Naruto confesses his affections for the man run much deeper than that of a student towards his teacher. Said teacher panics.In an effort not to hurt Naruto with his departure even more, Kakashi uses the Sharingan to make the blonde forget about his feelings. It works a few seconds too slow.Truly, both of them have awful timing.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: KNK Summer 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1872820
Comments: 11
Kudos: 50
Collections: KAKANARU SUMMER EVENTS





	I Need You to Breathe

Kakashi walked through the bustling streets of Konoha towards the hospital. A strange calmness had settled over him given that their world of might be coming to an end in the near future. Then again, this serenity became familiar a long time ago. Waking up before dawn, ready to go on a mission that may as well be your last – the familiarity of walking the edge of Shinigami’s scythe for his friends. No, it was not strange after all. The certainty that this time he would not be coming back only added to that numbing calm.

His mind wandered to Hiruko. It’s been so long since he thought about that meeting in the woods. Now, years later, Kakashi finally understood the significance of what happened that night. His skin burned where he knew the invisible seal was.

The seal Hiruko planned to use to achieve his agenda would be the criminal’s own downfall. It was giving them the perfect opportunity to stop the rogue nin. And in a way, Kakashi was glad the seal marked him and not anyone else in the village.

As much as he wanted to stay with his team, with his friends, with Naruto, he was also ready to die for them. More ready than most. Just as he’d sworn he would yet had always been pushed out of harm’s way and left to deal with the aftermath of their deaths. His first friend, his first team, his first teacher and countless others he’d fought with. Perhaps it truly was time to meet them once more.

But he couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to the one person who came to matter most to him.

So here he was, slowly walking through the lively streets towards the hospital. Then he would go straight to Tsunade-sama and convince her to finish this once and for all.

Then they all would be safe. For that was the Will of Fire – to keep your comrades, and, most importantly, the children, safe.

* * *

“I really doubt that’s how it works. You know not everything in that book can be applied to this situation.” Naruto mindlessly tinkered with the bells Kakashi-sensei gave him earlier while talking to Sai. He moved into yet another position, this time putting a leg over the blankets bent at the knee. The restlessness did not leave, and the blonde huffed. His whole being itched to get out of the bed and _do_ something.

“You should pay more attention to how people act. This fits perfectly,” argued his teammate while describing yet another controversial situation that apparently could be solved with romantic advice. Huh. Well, who knew? Certainly not Naruto.

As Naruto drew a breath to answer, the door swung open.

“I hope you are not getting up to more trouble boys,” their team leader walked into the hospital room.

Naruto shifted sitting up straighter. He was sure his sensei would be entering through the window if the medic nins, especially Sakura-chan, weren’t so vicious. No one escaped their wrath, and those restraints could probably be used for interrogations. Which made sense given what a hallucinating shinobi could be capable of, but still.

What a terrifying thought.

Oh, whatever.

“When do we ever make trouble? You should know us better sensei!” He grinned and adjusted the covers. Again. Though this time it was more of an afterthought than intent.

“So earlier today it was not my cute little subordinates who made trouble for the entire medical staff in charge of their health by escaping the designated room?”

“I told him it was a bad idea,” piped up Sai with his fake smile. The traitor! 

“Maa, so I only have one troublemaker to worry about. That’s good to know.”

Naruto scowled and pushed away the hand ruffling his hair: the perfect image of an offended teenager.

Don’t get him wrong - he truly enjoyed the affectionate gesture growing up touch-starved as he was. But this was patronizing and he did not appreciate being patronized, even by his teacher. Nevermind the warmth filling him whenever the man was close.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Laugh all you want.” Naruto was _not_ pouting. And his face was _not_ pink from a mix of that warm feeling, frustration and embarrassment. The others chuckled at his expense.

The blonde scoffed in response.

“Well I must be going. I just came by to check on you two,” said Kakashi when their mirth died down and Naruto stopped his pouting. “Sai, hope the book helps. Naruto,” the blonde looked up and Kakashi seemed to pause for a bit longer than necessary. That restlessness he forgot about returned stronger than it’s been all evening, “eat your vegetables.” The teen immediately chucked the pause up to his imagination. Was today a Tease Naruto Day or something?

Yet, something about the exchange didn’t sit right with him. He watched the man walk out of the room as if in slow motion. That need to _do,_ to _speak up_ grew, but he couldn’t seem to move a finger as if frozen in place.

And then the tension snapped and he was moving again. “Sensei, wait!”

His teacher stopped halfway to the door. “What is it?”

“I need to talk to you.” Naruto still felt uneasy about the conversation and coupled with the desire to _move_ , it pushed him into starting down this rabbit hole of a conversation.

Part of why he didn’t want to stay in the hospital in the first place was because it made him think about things he’d rather not think about. Like how much he enjoyed being carried by the man he admired since childhood. Or how much he was looking forward to seeing his teammates again - both of them – during his travels with Ero-Sennin. Or how Sakura-chan may not be the only teammate he was attracted to. Or how those feelings changed over time and now he thought about his teacher more and more. How it was confusing and terrifying and one more thing that would make the villagers ostracize him. Not to mention he had no idea how the people he cared for would take it. How Kakashi-sensei would take it.

He was very glad he was not stuck here _alone_ , but it wasn’t _enough._

And now? Now he felt like he absolutely had to say it, to get it off his chest and face whatever came next like he did with every other challenge. He _needed_ to or else he just might burst from the silent inaction.

The teenager could only attribute the sudden impulse to his unease about the parting words. “In private,” he clarified at the questioning look.

Kakashi shrugged. “Lead the way then.”

Naruto practically scrambled off the bed glad to at least be out of the room for a little bit now.

Sai watched his teammates curiously until the door shut. He made no comment preferring to return to his new book.

_Chapter 3: “Secret Confessions and Private Conversations”_

The artist settled in for the fascinating read while he waited.

* * *

Entering an empty room, Kakashi closed the door and looked at his student who stopped in the middle of the room. Naruto was mouthing inaudible words and periodically biting his lip. Preparing a speech then. But why? He almost never did that, always speaking whatever felt right. Interesting. For the moment, the copy ninja was content to observe the blonde.

Naruto looked up when the lock finally clicked and shuffled his feet. _Cold._ He’d been too distracted to snatch his sandals and the chilly breeze of the evening was making itself known as a small draft travelled across the floor from the open window.

Scowling in displeasure, he chose to plop on the bed and draw his feet up from the cold floor, worry about the conversation momentarily forgotten. Once comfortably settled in, Naruto patted the space next to him in obvious invitation with a grin.

Kakashi couldn’t help the smile tugging at his lips in response to that grin, not that he tried. His little genin was just so _cute_ sometimes.

The noises and smells of the village going to sleep filtered into the room alongside that chilly air creating a quiet ambiance. It was so very peaceful that neither of them wanted to break the companionable silence which had settled over the room.

So Kakashi didn’t. Instead he took the invitation to sit down next to his teammate feeling Naruto nestle even closer. So Naruto said nothing to reveal what was on his mind. So both of them merely let the heat build between their bodies until both felt nice and toasty and content.

And so it was with regret that Kakashi finally broke the silence between them.

“What did you want to talk about, Naruto?” 

“Ummmm,” the blonde fidgeted and got up to pace the room.

Thoroughly mystified, Kakashi merely watched his student. Naruto always did think better in motion, but why in the name of the sage was the blonde acting so skittish after initiating this conversation?

Meanwhile said blonde was gathering his scattering thoughts and trying to string them into a coherent speech. He had no idea how to begin. Whatever had prompted him to ask for this meeting had long since retreated leaving behind all the confusion and insecurities that kept him mum previously. Not that it was going to stop him now that he’d committed to the action. No way! Uzumaki Naruto did not go back on his word! Even to his word to himself. Yeah.

He just had to make sure he did not screw everything up.

The self pep-talk helped and Naruto came to a stop with renewed determination sending fire through his body.

“I just feel like I have to tell you this. I am sorry if it creates problems for you and you don’t have to do anything but I just want you to know.” _Please don’t leave me alone after this. I just don’t want to drive you away._

“Naruto, you know you can tell me anything. You don’t have to handle things on your own.” _Not anymore. Not when you have friends. Let us help you._

The teenager exhaled sharply and let the words flow.

“You know, I’ve admired you since the day you passed our team. That first lesson you taught us – I don’t think I would have been the same person without it.”

 _Oh no. Please don’t go where I think you are going. Not **now**._ Kakashi felt dread swell up silently begging his instincts to be wrong.

“To be honest at times I wasn’t sure how much you cared about us at first what with the D-ranks and all.” Naruto laughed bringing an arm up to scratch at the back of his head. “But then on that Wave mission you almost died. We were so scared then you know. I couldn’t believe we came that close to dying back there for a while. And you always cared about us so much even when it seemed like you didn’t. I only realized later y’know.”

_What are you saying, Naruto?_

“I was so disappointed you picked to train only Sasuke during exams. Not me, not Sakura-chan, not all of us. _Just_ Sasuke. I just really wanted you to be proud of me, to pay attention to me.”

_Naruto please._

“And then Sasuke left and I had to leave. There were so many changes all at once you know. I thought about it a lot later, during the training trip. And then we came back, and I… arghh!

“I love y—mphf,” Kakashi panicked. Shocked blue eyes widened at the sight of the uncovered Sharingan. A hand over the blonde’s mouth stifled the words. This was just adding another level of pain for them both.

“Forget it. Forget that you love me in that way, Naruto.” _Please don’t put us both through this pain. I cannot let you suffer knowing I will leave you soon._ Why of all times for him to predict Naruto’s train of thought it had to be _now_? _Why?_ He’d been thinking about the same thing so of course it was the first thought to enter his mind. _Naruto_ was not supposed to be thinking it, but when was the knucklehead ever doing what he _was_ supposed to do.

 _What?_ Naruto felt tears well up. _Is this what you think of me sensei? Are you…  
Disgusted-ashamed-disappointed?_ He blinked them back. He would not cry. Not like this. He knew this might happen. He prepared for it!

“Lock away memories of such thoughts.” _It’s better you don’t remember these feelings when I’m gone. Any other time, but why now?_

Betrayal curled around the teenager like a python slowly squeezing the breath out of him. He swallowed against the lump in his throat, protests dying before they reached his mouth. _Am I just a nuisance to you?_

“Forget that you ever could have thought of me as a lover rather than a mentor or a friend.” _It is best you don’t feel this love at all._

Every word cut deeper and deeper slowly driving away all but that one command. Something lodged in his lungs making it hard to breath. Every inhale felt forced, every exhale left a bitterness he could almost physically taste on his tongue. _Do my feelings matter so little that I am not even allowed to remember them?_

“Forget all of it.” Kakashi could clearly see the bone-deep betrayal in those wide eyes. That look would be haunting his nightmares if there was another night left to his life. _I am so sorry, Naruto._

_Please… why?_

The thoughts faded away leaving the blonde forlorn and confused before darkness claimed him.

Kakashi caught the boy mid-fall and bowed his head. This was so _wrong_. He could analyze a battle situation in moments, but emotions? He still did not know if this was the best thing to do; only that it was likely the least painful for the precious bundle of sunshine in his arms.

“I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me. I don’t think I’ll forgive myself even if you do.” He hoisted the unconscious body up into the princess carry. The dog nin could not resist one final ruffle to Naruto’s hair.

“Maa, I guess I’ll see you on the other side, ne, Naruto? Don’t hurry to join me.”

He brought the blonde back to his room gently setting him down on the bed.

“What happened?” asked Sai as soon as his team leader walked in carrying his current roommate who was once more unconscious after a short trip inside the hospital.

“He overdid it again,” the lie was easy and believable. Naruto often kept going until he collapsed both in and out of training grounds. “Nothing to worry about. Our knucklehead just needs to sleep it off.” He smiled.

Sai relaxed from the ever so slight worry. “I see. Dickless keeps getting in trouble so that his love interest can save him like a proper damsel in distress.”

Kakashi blinked. _What? How on earth does Sai manage to be so off the mark yet so accurate?_ “I suppose he does.” It was better not to argue with Sai about this. The little shit always ended up being right somehow. It was a very infuriating yet endearing quality.

The ex-Root agent did not understand human interaction but paid enough attention to know what people felt like most of the time. Kakashi could relate. Maybe they should start a therapy club for the emotionally stunted child ninja? Nah. “Take care!”

With a final look at Naruto, Kakashi left the hospital and headed off to confirm his departure with Tsunade. Best get it over with quickly now that his final goodbyes were said.

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry?


End file.
